faithuntamed

Faith Untamed

  •  It is always process for me to land on a word as a yearly intention. A word I try to sew deep in my heart as a navigate my day-to-day life.

    This year’s search for my “word” started with surface desires. I want to take my writing seriously for a year. See where it leads. I want to join the community orchestra because I miss playing with an orchestra.

    But also, I keep thinking about Jehoshaphat, King of Judah. (2 Chronicles)

     I was driving home from work one afternoon, when the DJ said, ‘or we could be like Jehoshapha, saying “hey, why don’t we try letting God in..” 

    I do not know much about Johosaphat, so I turn to Scripture and look him.

    As I read the story, I realize this is a story about intentionally letting God in at both at times of rise and times of conflict.  It is also a story about how we fail when we try to rely on our own strength. When we forget to Let God In.

    Hot Stuff and I discuss what it looks like to intentionally let God in. My dear husband says, “It’s simple. Just surrender everything and wait.”

    I am like, “Ugh, there must be more to it.” Truth is, I am a very action-oriented girl. Sitting and waiting has never been my strong point.

    I spend a bit of time reflecting on what  “letting God IN” is. It feels more like a path than an intention.  When I land on a word for the year I pray. I pray until I get a knowing in my spirit.

    I did not have the knowing. Just a “Yup, Nicole…don’t forget to let me in.” from God.

    Then?  I listened to an Abiding Together podcast on Cultivating Unity. It was one of a Three-part series on cultivating. Cultivating peace, beauty and unity.

    As I listened, I knew that my word for this upcoming year was simple. A year of cultivating.

    Cultivating my heart to understand the difference between anger and contempt. To actively listen to those in front of me. Especially those with differing opinions about things I hold dear. To ask, (in the words of St. Francis of Assisi) how can I “listen to understand rather than be understood”?

    How do I recognize and step away from gossip in the family, among friends, in the workplace?

    How do I cultivate grace within my heart in a world that is becoming more polarized by the second?

    This is where Jehosaphat comes back…

     I make the intention to remember to let God into all aspects of my life…my relationships, my finances, my work choices, my listening.  I am intentional in cultivating the grace of God in my heart. Because without that grace, I cannot hope to cultivate peace, beauty and unity within myself and my immediate surroundings.

    I look up cultivate in the Oxford Dictionary; try to acquire or develop (a quality, sentiment, or skill)

    I get to cultivate the grace of God in my heart. I look forward to knowing God more intimately as I take the time this year, to see the obstacles of grace within my heart.

    Cultivating grace is an inward act, the dig deep and lean on God part. But what about action? After all, I am still an action-oriented person. I believe “tactile learner” or “a bit hyper-active” are other words for this.

    I feel this is the year that I dig deep and cultivate my writing. I wonder how writing fiction fits with cultivating unity, peace, beauty.

    And then I hear a TED talk on ecological imagination and the need for more ecological science fiction.

    Yay, because that is what I have been playing with these past few years. A story of child pirates in an ecologically imagined future. A writing project I put aside this past summer and just recently picked back up.

    Just as the talks on CULTIVATING resonated with my heart, this challenge resonated as well.

    My action for the year is just that.  To complete the manuscript for project Captain Sasha. I have spent this past week, beginning the deeper research on the effects of global warming as I attempt to create a more scientifically accurate world for my young fictional pirate friends. The more I research, the deeper the rabbit trail goes.

    While my overactive imagination can often get me in trouble, this time, I believe it can help. AND I just happen to LOVE research projects. So here we go, God and I. Using my weaknesses as a strength. After all, isn’t that what we are all called to do?

    To lead with our weaknesses? Lots of room for God that way. No delusion of simply relying on my own strength because it’s not quite there.

    God says,” Hey, you want an action item? Come, follow me. Let’s CULTIVATE your writing, shall we? Let’s have some fun and I’ll show you how to do your part in caring for my creation.” (Genesis 1:26-28, Leviticus 25:1-7)

    Looking forward to 2026’s journey of intentional cultivating.

    Can’t wait to see how it unfolds.

  • This past week, one of my co-workers asked what my New Year’s Resolution was this past year.

    I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. I do, however, settle on an intention. A word or phrase to guide my heart and actions for the year.

    In year’s past my intentions have ranged from a year of listening, to a year of self care, hospitality, self-care, obedience, rejoicing, a year of deep study, etc.

    But when my co-worker asked? I couldn’t remember.

    I responded “This past year was about walking through open doors….that’s how I landed here.” (as i gestured around the classroom).

    It was true. We had had many discussions, here at the Love Shack, about walking through the doors that open before us.

    It was only much later that I remembered my yearly intention hadn’t been “walking through open doors” at all.

    It was simply “Gone Fishing.”

    Hot Stuff and I were both literally and figuratively “going fishing”.

    We did this by posting a “gone fishing” notice on social media and taking an 8 month social media fast.

    We were consciously separating ourselves from drama and unnecessary white noise. We were literally fishing weekly as well as making an effort to exemplify Christ to others.

    Mathew 4:19  And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men

    Make a friend. Be a friend. Bring a friend to Christ.

    This was great for the first several months, then Hot Stuff and I simply forgot to be intentional. We are a bit fickle that way.

    Hot Stuff and I got sidetracked with Zombie movie marathons and hustling to make ends meet. We did, however, decide to walk through the opportunities before us.

    So in fishing terms, we “tried the other side”

    John 21:6 (NIV): “He said, ‘Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.’ When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.”

    When we figuratively “tried the other side” and walked through the doors before us..I began working at a nature based pre-school. So. Much. Fun.

    Hot Stuff took a job at a bakery, that turned out to be an epic disaster. He did, however, minister quietly to many of his coworkers, who recognized him from one of his annual singing gigs.

    When the bakery job stopped, Hot Stuff turned to Uber Delivery Driving. 

    For those of you who know him. My husband is legally blind. Yet, somehow, he was able to pass his eye exam for the drivers test. The idea of him driving as a part-time delivery driver? Never entered our minds.

    Yet here he is. Several mornings a week simply delivering meals in our immediate neighborhood. The definition of a miracle playing out before us.

     We have even started having weekly “Uber delivery dates” on Saturday mornings. I navigate. Hot Stuff picks up deliveries. We sing along with music on the car radio and just have fun.

    By the grace of God, with two part time incomes, our bills get paid.

    Scripture says “when they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large numbers of fish.”

    When Hot Stuff and I walked through the unexpected doors, the ones “on the other side”, we found new friends. New ways to connect ourselves. We found the gift of time to renew connections with old friends we had lost touch with.

    One of these reconnections encouraged me to start a faith based blog. I accepted the challenge, lazy writing and all.

    I put my vulnerabilities out here every other week as I walk my own faith out. It is another door I continue to walk through.

    Hot Stuff and I still have a roof over our heads, gas in our tank and food in the fridge. We have a housemate that fills our home with the sound of music and the smell of baked goods. We have a mischievous dog, and a cat who loves to tell on the dog while engaging in her own nonsense.

    We call her “Stitch the Snitch.”

    I have no idea what this next year’s intention will be. I am still praying on it.

    But this I know, God has blessed us in ways we could never imagine in our year of both real and imaginary fishing.

  • This morning, I planned to sit down and work on Detective Drew and the Science Crew. I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking about how we, here at the Love Shack, are a house of creatives.

    Instead of child detective adventures, I’m giving you my ramblings about a house of creative spirits.

    All of us, Hot Stuff, our roommate and myself, need creative outlets.

    Hot Stuff is a singer/songwriter who sings with various music ministries. HIs primary focus is with the Band One Achord. (video clip of a rehearsal below)To relax? He cooks. This man regularly cooks tasty meals from whatever is in the house. That? Is pretty dang creative.

    Our roommate is the music director for his church. He also writes his own music and plays a pretty mean keyboard. This gentleman bakes and creates his own recipes regularly. It is his way of relaxing.

    Me? I just write stories for kids, and occasionally mess around with the violin, piano or guitar. I make soups to unwind.

    Hah…apparently in this house of creatives, we like our food.

    None of us are making a living with our creative side. We all have day jobs. Jobs that allow us the time and headspace to maintain our creative passions.

    Why? Because God gave us these gifts and we ENJOY them.

    We find ways to give each other the time and space to create. Me? I mostly write in the mornings while the guys are at work. Hot Stuff? He spends his time alone thinking, praying, creating in the afternoons when our room mate and I are still at work.

    Our roommate? He’s the night owl. While we are calling it a night, he is just getting started. Baking in the kitchen, or with his headphones on at the keyboard.

    I feel truly blessed to be around these creative souls. Our conversations get to revolve around the creative process, recreations of songs, how we walk out our faith.

    Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, Hot Stuff and I spontaneously began singing “you’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.”

    Just. Plain. Fun. Now the song is stuck in my head.

    This morning, our roommate and I discussed humility in ministry settings, the importance of building leaders, the importance of vulnerability and drum lines.

    Tonight at dinner, we will briefly talk of our day jobs and then most like talk about upcoming ministry dates, and discuss food. Yes, back to the “we like food” thing.

    How do I know these are the things we will most likely discuss? Because these seem to be the daily topics of choice we gravitate towards.

    We encourage each other by reminding each other of our gifts and WHOSE we are.

    Proverbs 27:17 Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other.

    I think we are at a point in history, where it is REALLY important to use our creative gifts. Creativity comes in many forms and fashions and can be used in both worship and the workplace.

    I work in a nature based pre-school. I regularly see my co-workers use their artistic talents to draw and illustrate for our kids as they teach.

    I also see co-workers incorporate music, dance, story telling and creative problem solving skills daily.

    All jobs need creative problem solvers. Architectural firms, legal practices, hospitals, administrative offices…the list is endless.

    Exodus 35:31–32: “He has filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, with intelligence, with knowledge, and with all craftsmanship, to devise artistic designs, to work in gold and silver and bronze.”

    No one says you have to be perfect. If you have even an inkling of a creative spirit within you, I encourage you to explore, play, open that cabinet of curiosities within you.

    I would love to see or hear about your creative endeavors!

  • Yup. That is the sign that hangs next to our kitchen door.

    The kitchen door, which serves as the only working entrance to our home. (thanks shifting home)

    Still, I love our quirky home. This drafty house with the constantly shifting foundation . Do I love the orange, cracked walls? Hah, not so much.

    Since “our home” is a rental. The orange stays. Still, a decade ago, Hot Stuff and I prayed that we could live here.

    At the time we lived behind our current home in a small studio. We would imagine the possibilities of hospitality that could happen in this home.

    We vowed that if we ever lived here, we would always welcome our brothers and sisters in Christ. That we would be a safe place for friends and family to recharge as they did the hard work of ministry. Why? Because ministry burns people out.

    Our part of the big picture was simple. Offer a place to recharge. To hang out.

    So we named the house “The Love Shack“. Yes, it was also based on The Love Shack by the B52’s…simply because I thought it was funny.

    This morning, I am sitting in the quiet of our home. It is the first time I’ve had the house to myself in a week. It is beautiful.

    The silence. The fake fireplace. The pets at my feet. And time to reflect.

    Hot Stuff and I often fall short on our efforts at hospitality. We are both introverts and enjoy a lot of down time. We get tired and irritable. We are sometimes insensitive to the needs and desires of the family and friends around us. We might offer unsolicited advice, or may not listen when someone needs to be heard

    Sometimes, ugh, our house smells like pets.

    Our house gets messy, just as our hearts get messy.

    As I am discussing our failures at hospitality to God, I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:

     If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing

    I realize that even if Hot Stuff and I aren’t very graceful at times, we genuinely love and care for those in our lives. Instead of seeing this scripture as a warning (as I have in years past) I see it as affirmation. Our hearts are in line with God’s.

    God IS love.

    As long as we lean on Him..then he can help our hearts stay strong in the foundation of love. Even where we fail.

    Then I am reminded of my Captain Sasha manuscript.( a writing project I have been playing with for the past couple of years)

    Last week, I pulled out my old manuscript of Captain Sasha to review what I had shelved 8 months ago. You know what? I had a more solid story than I remembered. It was kind-of fun. Still a long way to go. Massive editing to do, a few unexpected turns that help it flow..and a LOT more writing to do.

    I’m excited to dive back in.

    I realize that my 1/2 finished Captain Sasha manuscript is no different than our history of hospitality. It needs some editing, some revisions, some turns moving forward.

    Our lives are still a story in progress.

    So grateful to have God’s love as the foundation.

    Welcome to the Love Shack. All are most welcome.

  • This morning, as I was ordering more ink for my printer, I got a call from my rheumatologists office.

     I have been weaning myself off of a medication that I really need. Why?  Because I have joined the ranks of the uninsured.

     I informed my rheumatologist’s that I could pay for my meds out of pocket, but I couldn’t afford the lab work that comes with it. I asked how to proceed.

    I never heard back. I did the only thing I could do, I started weaning myself off of the meds. Thiss morning I realize I have 5 days of partial medication left.

    Then? I get a call. “Dr.D says come in anyway. We will do labs here and bill you later. You can’t afford to get off of x medication because your muscles are gonna go crazy later.” (It’s a myositis thing).

    After I hang up, I sit and cry in relief.

    Once again, humans have shown grace in the midst of the mess.

    I remember years ago, when I was working with refugees from Darfur. I went into a deep dive on the number of genocides that occur at any given time around the world. I was getting into a deep funk about how haunting humans can be.

    Yet…we were still in existence as a species. I wondered how.

    The more I listened and researched, I saw/heard a recurring theme of random acts of kindness and grace that helped sustain hope for survivors of these genocides. This kindness story surfaced in every person’s story.

    It occurred to me, that the only way we survive ourselves is through the goodness and kindness within and among us.

     Galatians 5:22-23 The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

    Right now everyone is going through ridiculous seasons. Deportations of family and friends, strange disappearances for unknown reasons, deaths, job insecurities, partial paychecks, loss of food security, business closures,loss of access to health care, and shrinkflation gone wild.

     Wanna pay a gazillion dollars for 1/3 a bag of chips? Go to my local grocery store.

    We are called to be lights in the darkness. (Mathew 5:16) I see my fellow humans do just that.

     How? By the fruits of the spirit with which we are gifted.

    I want to spend a little time highlighting a few of those acts of kindness I have seen play out just this week….and it’s only Tuesday.

    First, my rheumatologist and his staff, who are trying desperately to keep a slew of patients on their maintenance medications.

    A previous co-worker reports that when he stepped up to pay for his groceries last week, the woman in front of him had already paid for them.

    I have friends that continue to cook and deliver meals for lasagna love. Don’t know about lasagna love? https://lasagnalove.org/    check. It. Out..

    I have a co-worker who brought us all gift bags filled with old school candies. Just because he knows everyone is struggling.

    My son and daughter in law run a small market garden. https://www.harmonymarketgarden.com/ They are currently giving away $20 of produce, to anyone who shows them an EBT card.

    A church friend annually gives Thanksgiving meals to dozens of families. This year she continues.

    My sister gifts grocery store gift cards.

    The acts of compassion and goodness surround us in quiet, understated ways. I bet, if you look, you will see it happening all around you.

    Our churches (and many other ngo’s) continue to provide food for the hungry. Blankets for the cold.

    Friends continue to cook meals for neighbors in need. We check on friends who are sick.  

    We give each other ( friends, family, co-workers, strangers) space to share our fears and concerns. We crack small jokes, we dream, we cry, we sometimes share a little mischief. We pray for one another.

    This spirt of kindness, my friends, is how we survive ourselves.

  • It has been several weeks since I wrote. I mean anything.

    Not Captain Sasha. Not Detective Drew. Not even personal journaling. I could give a zillion reasons, but the truth is…my glitter hadn’t settled.

    Years ago, while working at a teen center, I carried with me a tube of glitter water. Whenever one of my rascals would try to run away, or scream, or burst out crying we would find a place to sit. It was not uncommon to find myself sitting on a curb, or a cement wall with an upset rascal and my glitter tube.

    We would just sit until the glitter settled before addressing the issue at hand.

    It turns out, I haven’t been able to write, or think like a rational person, because I’ve been racing around in the glitter.

    I recently came across some photos of my ex-husband, my sons and myself decades ago. When we were so innocent. When I thought we were real.

    Before our family broke.

    I was broadsided at the depth of hurt that ran through me as I looked through these photos. Deep heart wounds that I thought were mostly healed, suddenly felt raw.

    I instantly called my sister and asked her to take the photos. She willingly obliged. Grateful for my sister.

    Still…I was like God, help me here.

    I was also in a mental spiral about our finances. I started looking at long term hotel stays (no we are not doing that) and panicking about my lack of insurance. Lupus is friggin’ expensive. Just sayin’.

    Hot Stuff and I attended two funerals for unexpected deaths.

    Flat tire, dead battery, broken oven….yada, yada, yada…

    The deportations and detainments of a handful of those around me, the seeming loss of empathy for anyone less fortunate than the financially independent. The insanity of our politics.

    I just wanted off the crazy train. I was losing hope.

    I felt shame that my sons have a broken family. I felt shame for not having enough trust in God…

    Mathew 17:20 “I’m telling you the truth: if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move.“, runs through my head.

    I don’t want trust. I want reasonable hope.

    I get irritated. Actually I get angry. Not just for my circumstances, but for the real hurts affecting my family and friends as well.

    I am driving home from work one afternoon and decide to finally be honest with myself and God.

    Stuffing my shame and anger in the hopes of growing trust just grew my shame in my inability to trust. It was a downward spiral.

    I gave God my litany of grievances’…and let him know that I intended to just sit with my shame and anger for the next 24-48 hours.

    I am quite confident that God can handle my anger.”And besides” I tell God, “if David could complain and then give praise and worship throughout the Psalms…I can to.”

    Fiesty is the word Hot Stuff uses when I get like this.

    My second day into my personal, and lovely, pity party. My friend Bev calls.

    I crawl under the quilt on my bed and share with her my grievances. You know, the same ones I had just shared with God. “And the worst part?”, I vent, “I can’t even write. Nothing. I have nothing..” (you can see how rational my priorities are at this time)

    And as we are talking I remember the glitter jar.

    Bev has been listening to pod casts by Rick Warren. In particular The Invisible War series.

    The two of us discuss the different types of turmoil that affect all of us. The inner turmoil, the circumstantial/or worldly turmoil, and the turmoil of the outer world.

    As Bev and I talk, I understand that I have not only been trying to be rational in the glitter, but that I’ve had three glitter jars mixed together!

    Then I see something that says “your kids may have a broken home, but they don’t have a broken mom.”

    I sit with that for a minute. Yes, I’ve had my couple weeks of panic, but I have not abandoned myself to keep peace. I have not turned into a shell of my being. I am not emotionally numb.

    I have dared to create a kind and gentle lifestyle for myself. I have dared to love again. I am a mom that dared to break a cycle and start a new life.

    I forgive myself.

    And then it happens. That peace that surpasses all understanding

    Phillipians 4:7 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    God gently reminds me that all I have to do, is love the people in front of me. Today.

    Enjoy my life. Today.

    Nothing more. Nothing less.

    The glitter has finally settled.

  • Yesterday would have been my mom’s birthday. I spent it doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.

    It was beautiful.

    There have been seasons in my life when I understood the importance of doing nothing. I think back to 7th-10th grade when I would come home from school and put on a record album. (yes, I’m THAT old). I would sit in a rocking chair and just rock as I listened to Swan Lake, Grease, the Kinks, the Doors or AC/DC…depending on my mood.

    Then? I would go into my bedroom and lie on my bed and look out the window. Just stare and do nothing.

    This ritual usually took all of one hour..then..you know, homework, violin practice, playing with friends and starting dinner for the family (latch-key kid here), etc.

    I never appreciated the beauty of that hour of nothing until I didn’t have it.

    Once I started driving? No time for nothing. Part time jobs, which continued through college along with increased study loads, more practice time (violin) and my desire to party (it was the 80’s) ate all my free time. Though I did occasionally spend time in my practice room, just starting out the window;)

    Once I was a parent, all bets were off. I did not have the luxury of doing nothing until decades later. I had simply forgotten how.

    God likes our nothing. He can do amazing things out of nothing. How can we allow God to work within us if we are too busy or too full of swarming thoughts that we don’t give ourselves time to process. If we don’t give ourselves time to dream, imagine, to just sit. still…How can we have room for God?

    How can God, who created the universe with nothing, use me if I don’t empty myself. Empty myself of pride, worries, problem fixing. Empty myself of doing and

    just. be.

    So yesterday? I visited with some college friends via zoom in the am. Lovely visit!

    Then? I turned off the computer. I turned off the phone. I climbed in my bed and just stared out of my bedroom window for hours.

    I could literally feel my brain rest without all the noise.

    I had forgotten the importance of doing nothing. I hope to find a way to incorporate nothingness more regularly into my daily being.

  • What does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. –Micah 6:8

    Last week, I had a day of “how are we going to survive on a part time income” panic. I turn to God and ask, ” what shall I do during this season to best honor you? To keep my eyes on you and not the storm around us?”

    I am led to this scripture from Micah. I laugh.

    The last time I had a rough financial season I was led to “Feed the hungry” (Isaiah 58:10-14)Of course this scripture from Michah, is where I am led.

    We focus on God and our neighbors and we turn our eyes away from the storm.

    I’ve been thinking about what it means to act justly and to love mercy. Specifically, in terms of our employment.

    In years past, Tracey and I have taken jobs to support our family. After all, to us, it’s just a job.

    I realize for many people, work is everything. For us? It’s never been a top priority. Our priorities lie in ministry and family. In the past, when applying for jobs, we never dug into the DEI stances or political contributions of perspective employers. We just show up and work.

    But in a season of constant villainizing of others, and emboldened cruelty, I decide I need to start looking at DEI stances of various companies.

    I am a firm believer in DEI. It’s right there in line with God’s command to “Love me, Love my people” (Mathew 22:36-40..paraphrased by me)

    Recently, lack of a diversity, equity and inclusion commitment led to an openly hostile work environment for Hot Stuff. He had nowhere to turn for help, when discriminatory practices became commonplace at his job.

    I wonder, what is it that is the threat? Especially in terms of a Christian view.

    Diversity? Is diversity the imagined threat? I turn to the old testament (Genesis 10:1-32 and Leviticus 19:33-34 )I turn to the new testament (Galatians 3:28, 3:11, 1 Corinthians 12:12-14, Revelations 7:9) I believe we are called to embrace diversity. Just like the parts of the human body, it is our differences that make us strong.

    Is inclusion? (Acts 10 and 15, Corinthians 12:12-14)

    Is equity a threat??? (Micah 6:8, James 2:1-4)

    I am so frustrated. How is treating others with respect and dignity a threat? It is a line in the sand I am unwilling to cross.

    So now, as Hot Stuff searches for jobs, we start looking at DEI policies of his prospective employers. I am grateful that my job maintains it’s stance to embrace diversity, to be equitable, to be inclusive.

    In essence, Hot Stuff and I are making a conscious effort to spend our work days, not just our free time, walking out the words of Micah. We are choosing to work for companies that act justly and show mercy.

    Being more conscientious of where we work is our small way, of walking humbly with God.

  •  Years ago, I preached regularly at a local prison. My mentor told me to simply “unload the gospel.” It was the best advice ever.

    I often question my ability to do this. To unload the gospel.

     Telling God’s love story for each of us?  That is both the scariest and the truest thing I can write. It is the thing I must do.  It  intimidates me the most.

    After all, I am just an ordinary mid-to late-lifer. I work part time in a nature school and teach English as a Second language online.  I am a volunteer in the Texas Prison systems.

    My human frailties are endless. Particularly my addiction to codependency and the trifecta of perfectionism, control and people-pleasing that can come with it.  

    I am an empty-nester.

     I am a Gigi.

     I am happily married to Hot Stuff,man who has exemplified Christ’s unconditional love in human form. We share our home with a dog, a cat and a good friend.

    In other words, I’m just a girl who loves Jesus and her family.

    Who am I to share God’s love story?

     God’s call to come JUST AS WE ARE is central throughout the Gospels. (Mathew 11:28, John 6:37, Luke 5:32, John 7:37, Mark 2:17) Apparently? Just me..is enough.

    Come, He says, Follow Me. We have work to do. (Mathew 4:19, John 10:27)

      And, what an adventure following Him has been! Who would have thought I would develop this whole church family behind prison walls?

    While I love my time in the prison, there were (and are) a handful of men that could not stand the idea of me preaching. Hanging out with the choir, the drama team, praying with the prayer team, that was all fine.

    But, in their hearts these men believe a woman should not be preaching.

     I just showed up, listened, prayed, loved and unloaded the Gospel anyway.

    One Sunday, I was talking to one of my brothers -in-Christ at the prison before a choir practice.

    My friend whom we will call O” looks at me and says, “You know when people complain about you preaching, I tell them ‘Hey, if God could use Baalam’s donkey (Numbers 22:21-39), He can use Nicole, too.’

    “O“meant this as encouragement.

    “Are you comparing me to a donkey?”, I laughed.

    My brother-in-Christ turned red. “No, it’s just that..”

    “No worries”, I assure him.  “I appreciate the Word, and you are right. If God can use a donkey, then surely, he can use me.”

    Now on days when I am overwhelmed with insecurities, I remember the donkey.

     I show up in front of my computer and say “Okay Jesus, here I am. I may be a bit of a mess, but I’m Your mess.  Please, give me the daily bread of life, love and laughter. Help me share this bread with my neighbor. Help me delight in the gifts that you have given me today, and help me trust, that even I can tell your story.

    Here is the story.

    Christ loves you.

    Christ died and rose again for you.

    Love God.

    Love your neighbor.

    The End.

  • I am an action-oriented person. I want to fix situations whether they are mine to fix or not. It is not my best quality.

     Sitting still and waiting have NEVER been my strong point.

    When Hot Stuff loses his job, my first reaction is to increase my work hours. To return to teaching ESL. I do both of these things. Then I want to do more? Maybe I return to teaching full time? Maybe I pick up a side gig on the weekends. Maybe, Maybe….

    I pray. I want to spring into action. Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him, is the scripture that keeps coming to my heart and mind. UGH. I hate waiting patiently.

    I wonder. What does it mean to sit still?

    According to Dr. Google, it simply means to surrender and relax.

    I ask God, How do I do this? Help. Please.

    I am reminded to STAY. IN. MY. LANE.

    I take a few days to see what that means. What am I already doing? What doors are opening before me.

    I am reminded of Psalm 46: 10,Be still, and know that I am God

    I focus on what I already am doing. I hang out with Hot Stuff. I visit with a childhood friend. I have tea parties and chase toads with my preschoolers.

    I am reminded I still have a creative self-imposed deadline to work on. “Really?” I ask God. “Play with writing Detective Drew books while Hot Stuff is unemployed?”

    Detective Drew is a series of made-up stories I wrote based on four boys that spent time with us during COVID. It’s hobby writing that I’ve been trying to illustrate. I am NOT an illustrator.

    In her book Madeleine L’Engle Herself:Reflections on a Writing Life, L’Engle writes:


    AN INCARNATIONAL EVENT
    Obedience is an unpopular word nowadays,
    but the artist must be obedient to the work, whether it
    be a symphony, a painting, or a story for a small child. I believe
    that each work of art, whether it is a work of great genius, oor something very small,
    comes to the artist and says, “Here I am. Enflesh me. Give birth to me.” And the artist
    either says, “My soul doth magnify the Lord,” and willingly
    becomes the bearer of the work, or refuses; but the obedient
    response is not necessarily a conscious one, and not everyone
    has the humble, courageous obedience of Mary.

    I pray for humility and courageous obedience. It’s a one-day-at-a-time thing.

    Today? I stay in my lane.

     I rotate laundry. I plan for the work week ahead. I cook ribs for my family. I blog to cyberspace and I  play with sketches for Detective Drew.  I hand the rest to God and enjoy my lane.